I had a phone call with one of my girlfriends a couple of weeks ago… it brought me the inspo I needed to write this article!
The lesson from the phone call was that real, long lasting, deep joy and happiness in life really comes from within. No man, no woman, no relationship, no house, no child, no new car will ever give you complete fulfilment in your life. But instead we waste time worrying and overthinking the things in life we do not have much control over – like finding love!
I can relate! As a single woman in her 30’s there’s times I think – Will I ever meet my soulmate? Will I ever get married? Will I ever have kids? These moments are few and far between because a thought quickly overrides them which says – If you did have all this, you may not have had the freedom and space to travel the world like you have, the time to work on your career, the space to develop and build the amazing family and friend relationships, as well as have the freedom to do whatever it is you want! So with those new thoughts, comes a feeling of contentment and joy!
This article is for all the single men and ladies out there (especially in their 30’s) that are feeling society’s pressure and expectation of how they “should” live their lives!
I’m currently happily single. I’ve had 10+ years in unsuccessful relationships and I’ve come to a point in my life where I have chosen to love my single freedom whilst I have it. It won’t last forever. I’ve chosen not to date and marry the next bloke that shows interest because of fear of being “left behind” or the fear of never getting married or having kids. I’ve decided not to settle just to fill an emptiness so I don’t feel lonely. Self-love, self-esteem and self-worth do not come from someone else choosing us and loving us, only we can give ourselves that. Instead, I’ve decided to wait for the perfect man for me – who will also have his imperfections like we all do of course 😉
I’ve chosen to ignore people in my life who try to put their own anxieties onto me about how I should be living my life and what I need to do with my dating life. Friends and family telling me I need to go online dating more, I need to think about freezing my eggs, it’s a “numbers game Kate” the more you date the more chance you’ll have, or wanting to set you up with any single man they know! Deep down I know they care for me and want the best for me, however, it’s their own worries and projections that are causing these kind of verbalised opinions. It’s not my story and it’s far from my truth!
Some people like you to do what they do – it makes them feel better about their own lives. It’s scary for some people to see you living your life differently, whilst they wonder what it is like not being married and having kids in their 30’s. Ignore opinions, questions, expectations and projections of how you should be living your life. Or why you haven’t settled yet. Don’t let the fear of being single lead you to settling for the next person that pays attention to you because you think there’s a shortage of men (or women) and you’re scared another won’t come along. Choose your next partner with consciousness and wisdom. Listen to your heart when you’re with them and how their presence makes you feel. Until you do find your perfect partner…
Kick all your fears of being single to the curb… start getting to know yourself. Love yourself. Trust yourself. Be happy being alone. Make a life with everything you have. I see people I know jump from one relationship into another desperately trying to fill a void of emptiness and loneliness. Sometimes these new relationship choices are the best choices they’ve made. Sometimes they’re not. I see people staying in relationships way past their expiry date. This includes myself. We’ve all been there!
If you’re starting a relationship from a place of emptiness or neediness – nothing will ever be enough to satisfy you. I’ve realised that a man or woman will not make you happy. Having kids, buying a house etc will also not bring you long lasting happiness. The best relationship to work on when you’re single is the relationship with yourself! The stronger, more loving, more connected your love is towards yourself, the easier it will be when you do meet the man/woman of your dreams and fall in love. You’re not looking outside for external things or circumstances to fill a void. The void has been filled with your own contentment and peace inside of you. Thus, the relationship will come from a place of freedom where you can build a deep, solid love without the feelings of insecurity and neediness.
If you’re single and not feeling 100% content with where your life is right now, choose this time to work on you! Find out what you enjoy doing, build on your passions and dreams, book a holiday away, do things that make you happy. One day might come when you bump into the love of your life and life will lead you along a whole new path. Until then, accept exactly where you are. When that time comes and your soulmate greets you, you will have fulfilment within yourself and a spacious energy around you.
Start to work on the amazingness that you are so that your next relationship can begin at a place that resembles peace, freedom and trust. Allowance of what is meant to be will be. Not needing someone to be anything or do anything or say anything to make you happy! If you begin the relationship from a place of “I need you to make me happy because I wasn’t happy being single” – the day will come when they don’t live up to your “expectations” or do what you want them to do, and the cracks will begin to appear.
In the meantime, find you, accept you, love you and be 100% unapologetically you! Let go. Surrender and trust that life has a plan for you that’s better than the one you could ever imagine. Dreams do come true. And the happiness you think a relationship could bring, may not bring that to you until you are ready, and they are ready. So perhaps you are still single because there’s lessons you need to learn and work you need to do on yourself before you can truly be in a place that you’ll be able to fully love someone and accept the love of another that will bring you all the joy you desire! Let life lead you to where the magic lies at the perfect time for you all!
Trust in life and the life within you!